List making

Dreaming of Spring 9x12 oil

The New Year is often a time for making resolutions or lists of the things we want to achieve or accomplish. Since I live in the Pacific Northwest, I think it might be best for me to wait until spring for resolutions. Getting through the dreary, wet, dark months of January and February gracefully, is a big enough accomplishment! And by now (January 25) some of those resolutions have been broken and I have lost my determination to change or maintain my list.

A few years ago I wrote the following piece on "list making" and re-reading it with fresh eyes, reminded me of what I want on my list for this year.

It’s been an interesting weekend full of sickness and self-perceived laziness. I judge myself harshly for not “getting enough done.” When I think back, I realize now that I use this phrase a great deal, as a personal value statement- as in: “I got a lot done,” or, “I didn’t get much done.”

What does it really mean to “get stuff done”? Why do I measure my life or my inner soul by what I achieve, or don’t achieve, in the course of a given day or week or year? Why is it that I feel good about myself if I have a long list and I’m able to cross everything off? Why should the mundane things that appear on a list—laundry, phone calls, cleaning, shopping, cooking, etc.—cause feelings of accomplishment if completed, or a sense of failure if not?

My dad was known for carrying a three-by-five card in his shirt pocket at all times. He would retrieve it often to add or subtract something from his list of things to be accomplished. He wrote books on time management and strategies for living. He led an organized and disciplined life. Measuring myself by this standard is probably one of the reasons I carry a weight of guilt for my often disorganized life, especially when my list of things to do goes undone. I want to be organized, like my dad, but I don’t want my life to be compartmentalized or measured by a list.

And if I do make a list, I want it to be full of life-giving things: watch a sunrise, paint a picture, spend time with family and friends, play with my dog, go hiking, see the beauty in the weather (rain or shine), have a deep conversation that encourages another (which, by doing so encourages me). I want to smile at my husband and tell him the whats and the whys of my love, to be aware of God‘s presence and His voice, to pray for a friend or foe, to exercise, and to marvel at how amazing it is that the body can move in infinite ways— I want to stretch, breathe deeply, laugh, and relish each moment. In the end, it’s the latter list I long to live.

I know my husband would also like some of those things on his list too, but the reality is, he still needs to go to work each day in order to make a living and to pay the bills. And I need to cook, clean, and do yard work as well, so how do I achieve balance?

I know that if a future event is not written on my calendar or on my to-do list, it doesn’t happen. I also want to achieve a work-life balance, because at the end of my life it will not be the work I’ve done that will bring satisfaction, but rather my time spent nourishing relationships, creating art, and writing—in that order. If time for meditation, painting, and exercise are on my calendar, then I see clearly what time remains for the routine. Likewise, my relationships are a priority, so I want to sprinkle “time with people” throughout my calendar as well. I know the mundane and the routine must be accomplished, but all too often I don’t get to the essential things, because my list of mundane tasks is too long. Maybe I just need to remind myself of what really matters to me, and make sure those things make the list.

What’s on your list today?

"Things that matter most must never be at the the mercy of the things that matter least."

~ Goethe